” It’s not that she’s particularly invested in monogamy as a concept, but the potential power dynamic — of being a single woman with a boyfriend who already has a partner — seems untenable.
These frustrations aren’t new, of course; they’re just presenting themselves to a group of people who were largely able to avoid them in the past: women looking to date men.
I’ve been pretty consistently saying since I was 15 that I don’t want to get married or have kids.
Now, you can do those things and be poly, but if you don’t want to do those things, I think being poly is a better fit than being monogamous.
But if part of you still wants to be the first person on someone else’s mind, things can go left quickly.
For single women, the trepidation isn’t just about sorting through men on dating apps: there’s the question of what happens in the long term, and whether navigating someone else’s existing relationship is even worth it if you don’t have one yourself to fall back on? “Like I’m gonna meet someone and they’re gonna be like, ‘Oh I don’t eat pussy because my wife won’t let me.’ What?
“You end up beholden to this weird cosmology in which everyone but you has a partner already.” It’s the sexual version of , and you’re the cheese that stands alone.
It’s easy to feel like everyone’s poly now, but does anyone want to date them?or whatever manifestos people like to credit with opening their minds about the traditions of dating.I had a dry spell that was getting unbearable, and a cute married guy on Tinder messaged me at a weak moment.” At 29, she felt sure enough of her own wants and needs to try something a little outside her comfort zone.When I inquired with Jack, a single, gay 26-year-old, he confirmed that those exact competing interests are often points of contention in gay dating.“On Grindr, it doesn’t bother me, but on Bumble or whatever, it gets annoying.
Jenn, 41, who came to non-monogamy as a single woman after she ended a miserable monogamous relationship and then met a man in an open marriage, found something similar.